Why some angry couples prolong divorces

In our years as divorce attorneys, we encounter our share of angry couples. While the reasons may be as diverse as the couples themselves, there are certain dynamics that we see with every warring couple. These idiosyncrasies sometimes work to keep the couple together; even though they are miserable with each other. But when a couple decides to divorce, sometimes the anger keeps the couple together as well. This post will identify some of the reasons angry people seem to work to prolong a divorce.

The fight for power – Angry people are less likely to cede power whether it was over finances, parenting decisions or their spouse’s actions. When this happens, the divorce process is likely to continue as spouses battle over everything.

Spouses are used to their patterns – Every relationship has patterns; and when a relationship is close to ending, a spouse may not be comfortable with establishing a new pattern. As such, one spouse may want to continue the relationship, even though it is much different, in spite of the divorce.

The dependent spouse needs resources – In the same vein of ceding power, divorces may be prolonged when the dependent spouse needs resources (i.e. money to pay bills) that they commonly did not have to ask for during the marriage, but now needs them during divorce. When an angry spouse refuses to share resources, this can add to a divorce.

There are ulterior motives – When angry spouses rather fight it out than settle their differences, there are commonly other reasons for their actions. When you think about people acting out of spite, or to prove a point, both are complicit in prolonging a divorce.